


It's Worth Everything

by Cee693



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 3x18 Missing Scene, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 11:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10512723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cee693/pseuds/Cee693
Summary: After Barry tells Joe and Iris he's going to the future, Barry and Iris finally have a conversation that's been brewing for months.Or: Barry finally puts a stop to Iris saying saving her life isn't worth it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhere in these last five episodes, I'm going to need the show to address Iris repeatedly saying she's not worth saving if Barry has to take the low road. I would love if she realizes this on her own, but I'm also going to need Barry to also let her know that she's wrong since she tells him this the most.

The air between them was tense.

Not by choice, that's just the state they found themselves in more and more these days.

The air practically crackled with tension and a strain they both were pretending not to feel.

Barry threw the last of the sliced vegetables in the pan on the stove and leaned against the counter, watching Iris on the other end meticulously arrange dinner rolls on a baking sheet.

She seemed smaller tonight somehow, leaning over the counter dressed only in his grey button-down that threatened to drown her.

They hadn't spoken much this evening.

Iris hadn't actually said more than a few words since Barry told her and Joe his plan to run to the future.

She'd just sat on the couch beside her father and stared at him with an unreadable expression while Joe eagerly questioned Barry about what he planned to do exactly.

Iris couldn’t blame her father for latching onto to this new line of hope, especially not after the dark day they just had.

So, she let Barry explain himself while she listened.

Later, she gave a brief goodbye to her father and drove home with Barry in silence.

But, she gave as much as he took when they arrived back at the loft, immediately gravitating towards one another, their lips locking in a bruising fashion, halting the tears that threatened to fall.

Staving off the inevitable drop into the trough on the rollercoaster that had become their lives. 

Their lovemaking had been an intense blend of frantic need and relishing in the feel of one another.

Words weren't needed there.

Barry and Iris just jumped into the familiar climbing higher and higher together, both of them lasting longer than they'd ever had before; pushing and pulling, taking as much as they could from each other until they both fell.

Landing in a tangle of limbs and racing hearts.

They savored the warmth of their heated skin wrapped up in each other's arms, only separating and climbing from their bed when their breathing returned to normal and their empty stomachs called them to the kitchen.

Watching her now, Barry worried that he might’ve been too rough as he held her in his arms, desperate to fight off the ghosts that threatened to consume them.

He knew Iris felt sore.

She kept leaning her full weight on the countertop as if she couldn’t stand well on her own.

And every few minutes her fingers found their way to the faint, purple bruises his mouth had left on her neck.

And he knew that if he dragged his still-swollen lips along her neck, they would both feel the same tiny jolt of pain.

But, there was a part of them that would relish in it. In pain that came from something other than what the future held.

"I'll need to leave as soon as possible," Barry broached slowly, shaking his head of his thoughts. "We shouldn't drag it out. We’ll all need to strategize exactly what I need to find out, how far into the future I need to go, and how I'll get back if anything goes wrong."

Iris closed her eyes, almost painfully, and stayed silent.

"I think it'll take two days at most to get everything in order to go," he said.

"The Speed Force just tried to kill you with a time wraith for time traveling. Why would you risk trying to do it again?" Iris asked, frustration underlining her voice.

"I have to try," Barry said bluntly. He didn't want Iris to try to talk him out of this like she'd done so many times the past two months.

He'd made up his mind and this was the best chance they had.

He turned his attention to the bottle of wine by the sink that needed opening.

Even with his fast metabolism and Iris's early morning, a few glasses would do them both good tonight.

"You don't have to do this for me, Barry," Iris said quietly after a few minutes of silence.

Barry sighed, immediately tired, "Iris."

"No, you can't risk getting hurt by the speed force or worse," she told him, exasperated.

"This could have astronomical consequences, Barry. And not just for all of us closest to you this time. This could affect all of Central City. Who knows, it could affect the whole world!" Iris exclaimed.

Barry shook his head. "I don't care."

"You have to! You've been thinking about doing a lot of reckless things to try and save my life, but this may be the worst of all," Iris said.

Barry huffed, not wanting to hear this. He couldn't understand why Iris was so against him doing whatever it took to save her.

They were running out of time.

May 23rd was almost here.

Savitar was coming.

He brushed past her to check on the pan of chicken in the oven. He didn't want her to see his shaking hands.

"Please, Barry _think_ about what you're going to do. You almost died going in there the last time. My life's not worth try-"

"You are worth it!" Barry angrily cut her off. He slammed the oven door shut and turned to her.

Iris flinched at Barry's abruptness, but she held onto her deep frown.

"Your life is worth it, Iris. To me and your dad and your brother and all of your friends, it's worth it, okay?"

Iris took a step back and held up her hand, ready to counter him, but Barry wouldn't hear it. He couldn't hear it again- her trying to tell him her life was less important than his morality.

Less important than murderers and thieves.

He bit his tongue every time, not wanting to upset her further, but he couldn't find the strength tonight.

"It's worth it to everyone who needs your writing to feel less afraid or less alone. Cause your writing is gonna change the world. Your writing has already changed the world, Iris. 

You've already saved the world so many times because _none_ of this could exist without you," Barry said earnestly.

He stepped towards her, but she took another step back, refusing to look at him.

But, Barry pushed on. Needing to finally say what he’d been too nervous to say since she’d chastised him for trying to let Plunder go free.

"And it’s worth it to your future children, because you are gonna make an amazing mother, Iris. And even if you hang it all up tomorrow, even you never pick up another pen and write another story. Even if you leave me and never look back all of this will be worth it. Because it's _you_. It's your life. And your life is worth everything," Barry told her fervently.

He ran his hands through his already disheveled hair, waiting for Iris to say something. 

Anything.

But, she just folded her arms tightly around her chest as if to shield herself.

From him.

From what he was saying.

And it made his heart drop.

“I don't know why you don't see that. Why you don’t want to see that,” he whispered angrily. “I don't know why you give and you give and you give, but you won't just take this! Just be fucking selfish for once and tell me to do whatever it takes to save you.”

Barry knew he should take a step back and take a breath.

That he should calm down and give her a minute to breathe, but his mouth wouldn’t listen to his brain that was already clouded with the Kadabra’s words.

Taunting him about Savitar with no remorse.

Standing right beside Iris as he gleefully relished in having a hand in killing her.

Refusing to help save an innocent woman’s life because of what Barry did to him in the future.

It was always because of Barry.

Iris was always in pain because of him.

And yet, she still never let anyone suffer for her.

Barry quickly closed the gap between them and held Iris’s arms firmly.

“Tell me to burn it all to the ground and I will," Barry said with a quiet desperation. “I’d do it for you; you just need to ask me.”

Iris shook her head sadly and stepped out of his grasp. “I don’t need you to set criminals free and murder anyone or fuck up space and time. That’s not what I want. Before I'm gone I just want to know that you didn't lose all of yourself trying to save my life. I need to know there’s a chance you’ll be okay,” she said resolutely.

“There isn’t,” he rebutted, tears stinging his eyes. “I'm already lost. If you're gone, I'm already lost. I'm not saying that just to say it, Iris. It’s the truth. There is nothing left if you’re gone. So you have to stop worrying about protecting me or the city instead of yourself.”

And finally, the wall of level-headedness and calm Iris had frantically built around herself the moment Barry told her what he saw in the future started to crumple.

She felt what little control she still had slip through her fingers like sand and she felt the tears she’d never let fall- tears of anger and rage and self-preservation- slide down her cheeks unchecked.

"Do you want me to cry and scream that it's not fair, Barry?” Iris asked, irritably wiping her eyes. “Cause it's _not_ fair. None of this is fair. I'm 27 years old and I'm going to die in two months. I have a job that I love and family that loves me and an amazing, perfect fiancé and I'm going to die in two months. That's not fucking fair," her voice wobbled.

“It’s not,” Barry said sadly.

“I may not be here in two months. But you will. And I just want to make sure that you have a piece of yourself still left when all of this is over,” Iris explained tearfully.

“And what about you?” Barry asked. “What do you want for yourself, Iris?"

"I want you to think about what you're about to-" 

"No, what do you want for yourself. Not for me," Barry cut her off.

"I want you to," she started, but Barry was already cutting her off again.

"Iris, please. _Please_ , just tell me what you-"

“-I want to live!” She yelled, angrily. “I want to be here with you, too and I want to get married and have children and I don’t want to die!”

Her shoulders drooped and she caught her breath. “I don’t want to die."

"But, if I even think about all of that for more than a second, I’d never get out of bed. If I think about being stabbed through the chest by a maniac or about how so many people want to hurt me- want to _kill_ me- just because it’d hurt you, I would spend all day cursing at God and anyone who says that only good things happen to good people.

Because I’m a good person. And I don’t deserve to die like that. It doesn’t matter if I’m scared to die or not and it doesn’t matter if I make peace with it in the end. I don’t deserve to die like that,” she finished.

“You won’t,” Barry vowed. “I won’t let anything hurt you.”

“I know,” Iris said. And Barry hated that it sounded almost just reflexive at this point.

He let his fingers graze her cheek and watched her close her eyes and lean into his palm before he lifted her chin to make sure she was looking at him.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you, Iris,” he said seriously, his eyes holding nothing but determination and promise. “And in order to do that we may have to- I will have to do things I never thought I would. But, that’s alright. Because you don’t deserve pain and you’ll never deserve what I saw happening in the future. And saving your life is worth more than choosing the high road every time.

Iris let out a long breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding. 

One she’d probably been holding since that day in the time vault.

She nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Barry repeated, feeling a weight lift off his chest.

Iris pulled him close and Barry wrapped his arms around her tightly, counting her heartbeat against his chest, assuring himself that Kadabra was wrong. He wasn't broken and she was still here. 

They eventually separated enough to save their dinner from completely burning and sat down to eat in a silence much different from the one they’d started in.

This one was reflective.

And healing.

And it allowed them to pick up the pieces of themselves they’d thrown out on the floor.

They held hands across the table and took their time eating, enjoying the solace and lightness they felt after finally saying things they’d held in for so long.

“2024,” Iris said just as they both finished the last of their food.

Barry looked up at her furrowing his brow.

“You’ll need to go to 2024. We already know you’ve defeated Savitar by then based on the future article and what Kadabra said. It’s our best and safest bet to get as much information as we can about who he is and what he wants.”

Barry nodded in agreement, seeing her point. “Then that’s where I’m going to go. I’ll find out what I need to.”

“And then we’ll stop Savitar,” Iris agreed, her eyes glinting with a determination Barry hadn’t seen before, but still filled him with immeasurable hope. “No matter what.”

**Author's Note:**

> I teetered back and forth between Barry cursing at Iris because he's frustrated and desperate being ooc or not. I still haven't decided, but I left it in to show how completely out of control he was feeling at the moment.


End file.
